Manager Profile: Brandon

Biography

· First Name: Brandon

· Team: The Grumpy Munchkins

· Location: Brookline, MA

· Age: 30

· Years in High & Tight: Since the start

· Education: Bowdoin College, class of 2004

· Major(s)/Focus: Government

· Occupation: Sales

· Favorite MLB team: Red Sox

· Favorite MLB player currently: Dustin Pedroia

· Favorite MLB player as child: Pedro Martinez (was I technically a child when he came to Boston?)

· Highest level of experience playing baseball: Legendary little league right fielder

· Why did you choose the team name you have? How many times has it changed? The grumpy munchkin is my favorite sexual move. It is when a girl is taking a shit and blows your penis. Not to be confused with a Blumpkin, which is when YOU take the shit and a girl blows your penis. My team name has changed 3 times I think.

Players

1. All-time, who were the top five players that were the most enjoyable to have on your team? Pujols, Hanley (the early days), Jake Peavy, Jose Reyes, Jack Cust (crowd pleaser)

2. Have you grown a deep hatred for any player due to their past fantasy performance? Kevin Slowey, Jay Bruce, Stephen Drew

3. What one player do you wish you had on your roster right now? Jose Bautista. He's the balls.

4. What player will never be on your roster (not due their status as a keeper for another team)? Trevor Cahill, RA Dickey, Delmon Young, Melky Cabrera

5. Which player on your current roster are you least likely to trade? Pujols, Cabrera

6. What is your all-time best transaction (draft pick/trade/free agent pick-up)? Drafting Hanley in his rookie year. Picking up Chris Shelton a few years back. Drafting Kelly Johnson in the last round of his breakout year

7. What is your all-time worst transaction (draft pick/ trade/free agent pick-up)? Overdrafting Weiters a couple years ago...

8. Any players you find yourself gravitating toward, despite their being largely unpopular? I made Jack Cust's fantasy career.

9. Who is the worst keeper you’ve ever kept? Delmon Young. I hate him passionately

10. Who is the best sleeper on your team currently? Corey Luebke. Not so much a sleeper, but he's going to be an ace.

League

11. How were you introduced to the league? How do you know Lars? Pretty sure Lars called me. Lars and I used to look at each other's penises in the high school locker room. Weirdly, we never exchanged words until 3 years after graduation. It was an awkward conversation.

12. How many current owners did you know prior to joining the league? Which ones? Lars, Adam, Dave, Pierce, Troy, Dagan. Pretty sure I had met CS and Russ while visiting Lars at Brandeis

13. Who would you say is your biggest rival in High & Tight? If none, who would you most enjoy pulverizing? I root against Dagan because he got lucky and beat me on a bullshit tie-breaker when I had the greatest team in league history...until this
year. Also, Dagan likes science, which should be reserved for gooks and communists.

14. Who is your favorite trade partner? Who is your least favorite? Favorite is Adam because he doesn't bullshit and waste my time. My least favorite is a tie between Lars and CS because they don't agree to anything unless they think they're ripping you off.

15. What is your initial reaction when you see you’ve received a trade offer from Jason? I just get paranoid that I'll accidentally accept it.

16. Anything you’d like other owners to know about your interaction with the league? (examples: “I check my email/league site at lunch time,” “I often travel and don’t have access to the internet,” “Your odds of executing a trade with me go up considerably if you send me a picture of Scarlet Johansson posing provocatively,” etc.)? I don't believe in executing trades on any Jewish holidays. I am not Jewish I just find it to be a beautiful religion and I try to honor it.

17. How would you describe your pre-draft preparation? I try to masturbate to pictures of various players. Whichever one makes me come fastest gets selected.

18. How often do you go on the H&T website/blog per day? 5 times or so.

19. What is the weirdest place/situation you’ve checked your lineup? While taking a shit.

20. If you could make one change to the league, what would it be? Two week championship with the season ending a week before the actual MLB season