Week 4 Power Rankings

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1. Clayton & The King – Yes, he might’ve just lost his first matchup. And yes, he’s still starting Shelley Duncan at first base, but his pitching staff is still dominating even without Wainright being close to old form and JHamilton is on a mission. Add a full-time Trout, old school CCrawford, and healthy Berkman and watch out.

2. Grumpy Munckins – Don’t look now, but Casten’s hunch on ADunn may prove to be quite fruitful. What should be most scary for the league is that the team, while low in the standings, is second in Categorical Rankings without production from Pujols, Reyes, and McCutchen. His pitching is matching his offense at the moment as well.

3. One Nut Wonders – Huge jump here for Jason after the names on his roster started matching their production. I couldn’t rank him higher 12th last week, despite his 6th Categorical Ranking, because the holes were just so glaring on his team. Well, he filled them by acquiring BPhillips, CWilson, and PKonerko over the course of one week. I also liked the NWalker pick-up; waaay to early to give up on early picks, guys. He sacrificed picks again, which will probably make him whiny after next year’s draft as well, but it also just pushed him into contender status.

4. Moose is Loose – My butt hole is still bleeding from being anally raped by a moose last week. I actually didn’t have a horrible week, but Brian’s boys came to life in a big way and it wasn’t just one guy, making this three-slot boost warranted. With a productive Morneau and BUpton healthy, that offense is staggering top to bottom. Pitching has some holes, so the Balfour for EJax trade makes sense, but there will be weeks that the staff drags the team record down.

5. Montezuma’s Revenge – Wanted to rank myself lower, but it’s not really warranted despite the 1-9-0 output. The numbers were good enough to at least split with most teams and I was actually a couple SBs, few RBIs, and Brian keeping JDanks in the lineup away from five wins. Still top 10 in all categories, but pitching still needs to be better to compete with the top four.

6. Ring of Fire – Not sure what to do with Dagan here. He’s high in the standings, but 8th in the Categorical Rankings, dropping five spots in one week. He pulled a 6-4 on a much worse One Nut in week 1, then beat up on Urban and Angry, so standings are good and MKemp is a fantasy god, but the questions are many – namely Soto, Youkilis, Goldschmigt, Belt, Werth, Masterson, and Latos. I'm confident most of the other underperformers will come around, and Espinosa was a very good claim, but there’s not enough production to warrant a higher rank.

7. Prestige Worldwide – If it was all about offense, Lars would be much higher, but this team’s production couldn’t be more split. He’s first in R, HR, RBI, accumulating an astounding 2.4 average in offense and he’s 10th or 11th in all pitching categories with the exception of saves, which he’s tops in. And it just got worse with Hudson on the DL. His offensive outputs are oustandings, but I’ll say it right now: A staff lead by LLynn, JHammel, and EBedard cannot win a championship.

8. Donkey Punchers – Holy homers, Batman! 15 in a week – lead by a resurgent Napoli and Teixera gave Chris a remarkable two-point jump in his average Categorical Ranking (8.8 to 6.7), though he only had a 6-4 record to show for it (went up against Russ). Once Joey Bats gets going and if his pitching bets pay off (Matusz, Volquez, Duffy, Gee, Bauer), watch out.

9. Cowhide Joyride – This was not the way Dave drew it up when he decided to give up last season, as he’s averaging 9th out of 14 categories – hurt namely by RBI, ERA, WHIP, and QS. Cespedes has been excellent, but Weeks, Prince, Buster, Lind, and Rasmus need to pace this team in RBI, and the disastrous starts of Lincecum and Liriano, both with ERAs above 10.00 and WHIP over 1.90 is just crushing him there. He’ll get a boost up if those two turn it around, but its really starting to be a trend.

10. Keepin it Real – Production came to a standstill in week 3 after some early progress, as a bad week dropped Pierce four spots to 9th according to Categorical Rankings. There’s still talent left from the championship team, but unfortunately two big contributors are on the DL (Ellsbury and CLee). It’s probably time to cut losses with at least of one of the mediocre DL options (Grady, SDrew, Stauffer) to backfill the rotation.

11. Billy Chapel – I feel sort of sorry for Troy. Like I got his hopes up, then reality came and smashed them to pieces. Really, I expect the offense to be better as there is underperformance across the board on the hitting side. Pitching needs help big time (the 10th place rank in saves is the only category not in the bottom two), even moreso now that Santos is on the DL. Troy has only five active starters and two of them are named Derek Lowe and Bruce Chen, while two others are underperforming Beckett and Jurrjens.

12. Anal Hersheiser – The trades of Konerko and Wilson do not help. I’ll get to the specifics of the trade in my review (probably tomorrow), but much more should have been received in return for this year and future years. The offense features some of the oldest players in the game (Helton, Ibanez, Chipper) and no on with more than three homers. Andrew should run away with steals, but that’s only one category. Meanwhile, the loss of Wilson weakens what was once a bright spot. HAlvarez might be decent, but he’ll never match CJ. Smyly and Colon could turn out quite good, but they also could suddenly start to suck.

13. The Angry Pirates – Again, there’s a lot to like on offense here, particularly ranking 2nd in RBI and 6th in SBs, but the pitching is just dreadful, outdone only by Troy’s squad. If Bard goes back to the bullpen, that could hurt further. Sale, Chen, and Felize have been OK, but the rest are just guys and not very good ones. FFreeman is turning it up and once Giancarlo, GSanchez, NCruz, and Starlin start producing the power numbers they’re capable, he’ll definitely compete in the offensive categories.

14. Urban Achievers – When the bright spot on a team is a pitching staff boasting a 4.34/1.31, and 1 save, there’s a problem. This offense has issues. With the exception of a 3rd place ranking in SB, he’s 11th or lower in all offensive categories. Pitching isn’t much better, with a 5th place ranking in Ks and below 9th in the rest. There’s still hope with Choo, Reynolds, Moose, Jennings, and CC yet to produce as they can, but early indicators are not good.