Boomtown and Beer Goggles

As I prepare to dominate another year in our league, I went back to last year’s draft and took a close look at the good, the bad, and the ugly picks. For fun, I identified the highlights and lowlights:

Boomtown: players that blew up, far exceeding expectations in 2008.

Beer goggles: pick that looked ‘good’ when you were making it but turned out to be fugly later on.

So, here we go, in no particular order.

• Maybe this year (Troy Brown)
• Boomtown = Casey Blake: last pick of the draft yielded a 21HR third baseman who finished ranked higher than Lowell, C. Guillen, Alex Gordon, and Chone Figgins. Plus he has two first names, what more could you want?

• Beer goggles = Jason Isringhausen??? This wasn’t just a pick, this was a keeper! Ouch. After losing his job, hurting himself, getting demoted to the minors, and whining like a little bitch, he finished the year with a 5.60 ERA and 1.64 WHIP. No wonder he’s unsigned. Have fun in beer league softball, asshole.

• One Nut Wonder (Jason O)
• Boomtown = J.D. Drew: 22^nd round pick dominated the first half of the year before his annual bout of vaginitis.

• Beer goggles = So many stinker picks (Bonderman, Buchholz, Tony Pena?, Ian Kennedy, Sexson), but again I have to go to the keepers. And it’s a tie: Hafner (5HR; ranked 971) and Hughes (0 W, 6.62 ERA)! Seriously, looking at One Nut’s draft, you’d think he finished in last place, not as the champ. Job well done during the season, sir, job well done.

• Hank Steinbrenner (Russ Stutsky)
• Boomtown = Grabbing Shaun Marcum in the 21^st round and watching him put up excellent numbers until an injury derailed him.

• Beer goggles = Using an 8^th rounder on Frenchie Francoeur. Consider these stats: 599 AB, 11 HR, and an OBP under .300. You really have to try hard to suck that bad.

• Donkey Punchers (Chris Shannon)
• Boomtown = Took a chance on a young 2B from Texas and it paid off big time. Kinsler was on his way to stud status before hurting his man parts. Could be a 30/30 guy this year.

• Beer goggles = The crap combo of Kelvim Escobar and Chad Cordero in 14^th and 15^th rounds. Total stats: 4.1 IP, 0 W, 0 SV, and two lost picks. You should kick yourself in the nuts for those picks.

• Montezuma’s Revenge (Adam Leech)
• Boomtown = Tim ‘the little man that could’ Lincecum. Ungodly stats last year for a bad Giants team. This 9^th rounder should be a multi-year keeper. Perhaps you’d like to trade him to me?

• Beer goggles = With the 19^th pick of the live draft, Adam selects Paul Konerko. Didn’t realize we needed to fill a roster spot with a corpse.

• No Glove No Love (David Fox)
• Boomtown = Grabbing the perpetual tease, Richy Harden, in the 15^th round paid huge dividends: 2.07 ERA and 1.06 WHIP. As dominant as anyone when healthy. That certainly was a happy ending.

• Beer goggles = With the 18^th pick of the live draft, David selects Andruw Jones. Didn’t realize we needed to fill a roster spot with a corpse. Amazing to say, but he should have gone with Konerko instead.
  

• B12 Bombers (Lars Borssen)
• Boomtown = Went with a youth movement and collected some young studs. Tough to decide who was better: Longoria in the 10^th, Hamilton in the 12^th, or Lester in the 19^th. More upside in this draft than any other.

• Beer goggles = Rewarded Byrnes for his career year with a keeper spot. Was severely let down by crash back to earth.

• Keep on Suckin (Pierce Cole)
• Boomtown = Got 25HR in only 413 AB from a pitcher would couldn’t pitch, but could hit the long ball…and chicks dig the long ball. Can Ankiel maintain this power display?

• Beer goggles = To say Gorzelanny pitched poorly last year is an insult to the word poorly. He did have an ERA to make Satan proud: 6.66.

• Waiving Goodbye (departed Litchfield)
• Boomtown = Getting a 32 HR second baseman in the 9^th round was impressive, even if his name sort of rhymes with ugly. Uggla…ugly…see they sort of rhyme.

• Beer goggles = The turd sandwich that Ian Snell called pitching was the exact opposite of impressive. Just about every other pitcher in baseball last year contributed more than the 11^th round pick of Snell.

• Ring of Fire (Dagan Loisel, hey, that’s me)
• Boomtown = My boy, Nate Mclouth, was the steal of the draft as the 230^th pick. Each of you passed on Mclouth at least 13 times. His final ranking was 29^th overall for 2008. Shame on you.

• Beer goggles = I always fuck up my first live pick or two. Last year was no exception. Hello Gary Sheffield, would you like to join my team and royally suck? You would, how wonderful.

• Grumpy Munchkins (Bradley Castanious)
• Boomtown = He believed in Jack Cust when no one else would. He loved him without end. He got 33 HR and .375 OBP from a 17^th rounder. Bravo.

• Beer goggles = If minor league stats had counted, Rich Hill might have lived up to his 10^th round draft position. Actually, no, he sucked in the minors, too. Waste of pick. Waste of life.

And there it is. The unofficial hindsight review of things I think I think about last year’s draft. I’m sure you all agree unequivocally.

Dagan

EDIT: Seemed to have lost you there, Moose.

• Moose is Loose (Brian Bishop Mooserson)
• Boomtown = Nothing much. Oh, I guess you could say that grabbing the AL MVP in the 13th round was an okay pick, you know if you like to have good players and such. Remarkable that he could pull Pedroia so late in a league of Red Sox fans. Moose loves Pedroia so much he named his new baby Dustin. True story.
  

• Beer goggles = Moose's infatuation with Japanese men reared its ugly head with the back to back picks of Fukudome and Johjima in the 14th and 15th rounds. Fucko was okay for a few months until pitchers realized he can't hit breaking balls, but Johjima was so bad he should've been sent back to Tokyo to star in tentacle porn.