Final Keepers

Montezuma's Revenge
OF Andrew McCutchen PIT
SS Jean Segura MIL
1B Anthony Rizzo CHC
OF Shin Soo Choo TEX
SP Cole Hamels PHI
SP Jose Fernandez MIA

Sexual Napalm
3B Adrian Beltre TEX
1B Freddie Freeman ATL
OF Carlos Gomez MIL
3B Manny Machado BAL
SP Yu Darvish TEX
SP Stephen Strasburg WAS

Overrated
OF Mike Trout LAA
2B Robinson Cano SEA
SS Hanley Ramirez LAD
OF Carlos Gonzalez COL
SP Clayton Kershaw LAD
SP Gerrit Cole PIT

Angry Pirates
OF Jose Bautista TOR
OF Yasiel Puig LAD
OF Dominic Brown PHI
OF Justin Upton ATL
2B Jason Kipnis CLE
RP Craig Kimbrel ATL

Keepin it Real
2B Dustin Pedroia BOS
OF Jacoby Ellsbury NYY
OF Jason Heyward ATL
SS Ian Desmond WAS
SP Chris Sale CHW
SP Max Scherzer DET 

Anal Hershieser
OF Wil Myers TB
3B Josh Donaldson OAK
C Brian McCann NYY
OF George Springer HOU
SP Justin Verlander DET
SP Madison Bumgarner SF 

Cowhide Joyride
SP David Price TB
C Buster Posey SF
1B Eric Hosmer KC
3B Pablo Sandoval SF
OF Allen Craig STL
OF Oscar Taveras STL 

Ring of Fire
1B Paul Goldschmidt ARI
1B Joey Votto CIN
OF Jay Bruce CIN
3B Ryan Zimmerman WAS
OF Hunter Pence SF
OF Matt Kemp LAD
 
I ATE THE MUNCHKINS
3B Miguel Cabrera DET
3B David Wright NYM
OF Ryan Braun MIL
OF Giancarlo Stanton  MIA
C Carlos Santana CLE
SP Jordan Zimmermann WAS 

Donkey Punchers
1B Prince Fielder TEX
3B Matt Carpenter STL
3B Kyle Seager SEA
OF Matt Holiday STL
SP Adam Wainright STL
SP Alex Cobb TB

Urban Achievers
OF Bryce Harper WAS
1B Albert Pujols STL
OF Starling Marte PIT
OF Alex Rios TEX
SP Gio Gonzalez WAS
SP Matt Cain SF

Moose is Loose
1B Chris Davis BAL
SS Troy Tulowitski COL
OF Carlos Beltran NYY
SP Cliff Lee PHI
SP Kris Medlen ATL
SP Zach Grienke LAD

One Nut Wonders
OF Adam Jones BAL
2B Ian Kinsler DET
1B Adrian Gonzalez LAD
SS Jose Reyes TOR
SS Xander Bogaerts BOS
SP Felix Hernandez SEA
 
Prestige Worldwide
1B Edwin Encarnacion TOR
3B Evan Longoria TB
OF Mark Trumbo ARI
OF Alex Gordon KC
OF Jayson Werth WAS
SP Mike Minor ATL